When A Toxic Person Shows Up In Your Place Of Work

When someone toxic comes back into your life without you expecting it, it can mess with your head a little. It can send you into a downward spiral where the world feels like it's closing in on you, or you can drop that weight. Here's what I did.



It happened to me today. An old friend-turned-toxic showed up in my place of work and had the nerve to expect me to behave as I would with any other customer.
I pictured it all before anything happened. As she walked into my restaurant I could hear the condescending tone she frequently used in front of me. The words she would use to other people would be directed at me. She would use her fake "better than you" accent and tell me I'm doing something wrong, that my restaurant isn't -something- enough for her. She would go out of her way to make me feel lesser than her. I would have a panic attack, not because I'm afraid but because she knew how to get to me. At one point, the vile creature sitting in my lounge knew me better than anyone else did and she knew where to push. And it would end with her leaving, and making fun of me when she returned home.
Then I realised I didn't have to accept it. I didn't have to even give her the opportunity. This restaurant isn't just my job, it's family run by my father and I. We built it from nothing. I wanted to show myself just how far I've come.
I stepped through the back to let my dad, and manager, know what was going on. He told me to clock off early and all I could think was that she would see me run away.
There wasn't anything to run from. This was all in my head. This person hasn't even spoken to me or looked in my direction and I was already beating myself up about it. She wasn't going to win, because there was nothing to win. I was surrounded by people who love me, in a building I adore - and I'm happy with where I'm at in life. But that wasn't going to stop the anxiety, it never does.
I gave myself a few steps. This made it easier to work out my next move. Here's what I recommend you do, and I hope if you're ever in this situation again, it passes very quickly.

  

1. Remove yourself from the situation, if possible.

Ask a friend or colleague to cover for you. Luckily for me, the girl I was training to work with me was on hand to deal with her table. I didn't have to give her any attention, yet I could stay professional. We only had one brief conversation before I was able to clock off and leave. If this isn't possible, move on to step 2.

 

2. Don't let them back in.

If the toxic person in question tries to speak to you casually or tries to comment on something that has nothing to do with your job then simply refuse to allow it. Remember, there is a reason they aren't in your life. If they hurt you, they can again. I personally would never take this risk again. This luckily did not happen to me. Since I kept the conversation short and directed to the other members of the party.

3. Use it as perspective.

This horrible person floating through your life may not be a bad sign. Use the experience to remember just how far you've come in life. Think of who you were, and how they made you feel - and remember just how much happier you are since you dropped the weight of their negative energy.

Future Zoë, remember you never have to worry about what someone is going to do because you don't have to deal with anything that you don't want to. I hope you never willingly give anyone the satisfaction of being horrible to you again. 10.04.2018